As if you needed more proof that Cassie is my child

Every morning at 7:30 the television gets changed to the news and for the rest of the morning the girls and I watch news and weather together. This morning the weather man was talking about how this week is 'Tornado and Severe Weather Awareness Week'. I pointed this out to the girls and told them that they would probably be talking about it in school and doing a tornado drill so that they would know what to do if weather were to get bad. Kalli pointed out that they had already done a drill at her school. Cassie started crying.

I tried to talk to her about how it is good to be prepared so that you don't have to panic IF something does happen. I told her that in all my years of going to school, there was never weather bad enough that I had to use what we practiced. I told her that there was no need to worry because it was just practice this week and that it was a good time to talk about these things so that we don't have to be scared. And then I changed the subject because the crying was continuing along with her trying to hide her face and plug her ears.

Have I ever told you how extremely frustrated it makes me when she plugs her ears? I know she is trying to 'hide' from whatever we are talking about, but it seems very disrespectful and drives me up a wall. Talking to Cassie about this fact just makes her cower. The cowering only makes me more frustrated. I don't know where it all comes from, but I digress...

After getting the girls on buses and showering, I decided to look up 'anxiety in children'. I laughed out loud at the list of symptoms of 'Generalized Anxiety Disorder' in Children. Let me highlight the ones that made me nod to myself.

• Excessive worry
• Being self-critical
• Irritability
• Trouble sleeping
• Depression
• Intense desire for approval
• Inability to explain why they are worrying
• Difficulty with transitions, such as from school to home
• Not wanting to go to school

Can you say check, double check, and oh my gosh yes.....?

I don't want to be the parent that makes my own diagnoses, but HEL-LO! It is like that list was created with Cassie in mind. Combine that with the anxiety disorder I have and the girl is doomed.

My little girl worries about everything and has so many unfounded fears. She does the 'what if' thing where you ask yourself "what if this happens? or that?". She is in a state of constant irritability and you don't know what is going to make her upset. She has trouble sleeping...up in middle of the night and can't get back to sleep. When you ask her why she is scared or worried she can only answer, "I don't know" And lastly, most days after school she ends up in tears. She doesn't know why she is crying, but it is like the change from school to home is just too much for her.

I don't know what to do with my girlie. I hold her and tell her that everything is going to be ok, but at the same time I find myself looking at Cassie and feeling horrible because I know exactly what she is going through. Exactly how she feels. I want to tell her that it's my job to worry and that she should just be a carefree kid. I know that, if she is anything like I was/am though, this is an impossible request. I'm working on ways to help her, but it isn't easy.
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Tonight we had a Girl Scout meeting and I asked how the girls wanted to end the year. Every year we do something like a party to end the year and I was interested in what ideas the girls had. Last year we did a party out at Bay Beach so this year I made suggestions like NEW Zoo, Building for Kids, etc. In the end the girls all decided that they wanted to do Bay Beach again and then a sleepover here. At my place.

For some reason all the kids like being at my little apartment. Not that I'm complaining. I love having the girls all over and them being able to talk to me and trust me. I have always wanted to be the kind of mom that my girls' friends could be comfortable around and want to hang out at our place. And so far, it seems to be working out well.

We'll see when they get to be teens and such, but I will be more comfortable if hanging out is done here so that I know some of what is going on. On the other hand...it looks like I'm having another overnight with 6 eight year olds. I'm really glutton for punishment.

More then all the stars in the sky.

I am still alive. Barely. I've been trying to catch up on sleep, but don't feel like I'm having much success. I'm still exhausted. Even Cassie is working on catching up with her sleep. Sleepovers are physically and mentally tiring. It sounds sad, but when is the last time you had six 8 year olds stay at your place? I have to tell you that they don't like the "going the sleep" part of the party. However, at bar close the TV gets turned off and everyone needs to go to sleep.

It is because of my need to catch up on sleep that my banner is late getting changed. It so happens that I had the banner done over a week ago and was waiting to get a nice picture of the girls to add to it. However, my loverly daughters didn't cooperate with photo shoots and I am left with a beautiful banner minus their faces adorning it. In the words of Kalli Jean....Deal with it.

The words on the banner "More then all the stars in the sky" is something that I've said to both the girls since they were very little. It started when Cassie was just a baby and would be up in middle of the night. I would hold her, cradled in my arms, swaying with her and whisper to her that she was very loved. I would go through all the people that loved her...animals, grandparents, aunts and uncles, daddy, and I'd always finish with, "But mommy loves you most of all. I love you more then all the stars in the sky."

When we went camping with Cassie once, we took her out to see all the stars that you can see when away from the city. As we were out there I told her again that I loved her more then all the stars in the sky. And now that they are getting a little older, every now and again when I tell the girls that I love them, especially when I feel that they really need to know how much they are loved and appreciated, I'll tell them that I love them more then all the stars in the sky.

And I do. I never knew that you could care about someone this much. I never knew that you could wake each day loving them more. I didn't realize how much their pain/worries/happiness would also be my pain/worries/happiness. I love my girlies with every molecule in my body. I love them more then all the stars in the sky.

January 30, 2009

It is 1:11 right now. In the A.M. I've just told the six 8 year old girls that they are confined to their sleeping bags unless they have to use the restroom. I'm hoping to get a little sleep before they announce that they are hungry again. And before the parents begin to arrive at 8:00 to pick up their darling daughters.

I have to admit that while I was a little worried about having six girls spend the night in one area with me as supervisor, it has gone amazingly well. They are awesome young ladies and I'm proud to have them in my troop. Seriously. They all played well together and there were no big fights. At one point tonight the 4 that were playing in Cassie's room (Cassie and her BFF were hanging out in the living room watching Chronicles of Narnia) called me into the bedroom. They had cleaned up Cassie's entire room and made her bed. Mind you, they did this without any prompting. They said that it would be easier for Cassie to walk in the room this way. I gave them all a huge hug and told them how much I appreciated them and their kindness.

At one point in the evening we did projects to earn them each 2 badges. One badge they earned by doing a scrapbook page with pictures of them that I took at the beginning of the evening. The other badge they earned by taking part in a dance party that we had. We turned up the music, turned off the lights, and danced with flashlights. They had a good time and I got more pics. :)

After getting on jammies tonight, we sat around in a circle and I told them a little more about Cassie. They notices how small her feet were without braces and we compared her feet to everyone else's feet. They all commented on how soft her feet are. We then talked about what Spina Bifida is, showed where she can feel and can't, and answered questions that the girls had. I want the girls to understand things about Cassie and be comfortable with her. I think that tonight helped with that and it was fun to play show and tell with Cassie.

In the morning I'll be all the girls' hero and give them mini donuts and chocolate milk for breakfast before sending them on their way. Then I'll be going down for a nap. Lord knows I'll need it.

I just went and turned the tv off, tucked the few girls that are still awake in, and said good-night. It's 2:00 and I'm off to get a little rest before they are up again. Why again are they called sleepovers?

January 18, 2009

Last Thursday and Friday the girls were both home from school because of the weather. I'm relieved because I didn't have to stand outside in the -30 or lower weather, but struggled with keeping them occupied. Thursday we made homemade playdough and also played one of the new games they had gotten for Christmas. (Candoo)


Friday we ended up braving the cold to go to see Hotel for Dogs at the theater. The girls loved the movie and it was something to break up our day.

Tomorrow it is back to school and the daily grind. Which for me, means I put kids on bus and be Susie Homemaker. :)
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Today was the baptism of my niece, Kaitlynn. She was absolutely beautiful and was so good during the service. I had some trouble deciding which picture to put up from the baptism, but decided that I loved this picture of the family all together smiling happily. (even though Paula is pointing the camera at them...AGAIN!)
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Lastly, it is cookie time for my little Girl Scouts. If you are interested in ordering cookies, please give me a call. Cassie will appreciate it.

Randomness

Notice anything different? Look up at the header. Looks a little nicer then the other one. At least I think so. My brother is over tonight playing XBox with Andy and he fixed it for me. Nice of him, isn't it. Let's just say that I feel so much better with Photoshop working. It was like having a limb cut off not having it. I like being able to play with pictures and make pretty banners.
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So it is 12:15 AM right now and the guys are still playing on the xbox. I'm tired and ready to head to bed, but Andy has told me that they are almost finished. And I hope so. I feel strange going to bed with people here. Especially since one of my brother's friends is here as well.

Nice thing about them being out in the living room though is that the girls know that someone is still up and have stayed in their room so far. Though they did call me in there a bit ago saying that they couldn't sleep. Ugh!
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Tonight we had the Girl Scout meeting in which we talked about the rules for selling cookies. Know what that means, folks? It's almost time for those wonderful cookies!

November 18, 2008

Oh the pain. My legs have been speaking to me today through tightness and screams. Yesterday I went to the Y and worked out. My downfall was the Elliptical machine. We have a hate/hate relationship. It doesn't like me or my legs and I hate it for hurting me so. Saddest part is that I only spent 5 minutes on it. I'm starting with that since I'd like to be able to still stand once I step off of it. I'll work my way up to longer once I get more use to this pain.

Today I went to the Y again. I know, two days in a row!! I skipped the Elliptical today and went to lift some weights and work my arms some. I figure that tomorrow my arms will be screaming at me, but at least my legs will like me again. Well that's until tomorrow because I'm planning on going to the Y again. I know, three days in a row!!

It has been about 2 months since I've been making homemade nightly meals. This keeps us from eating out and our meals are a bit healthier overall. We've noticed little changes since eating better. The number one thing is that our stomachs don't care for eating out. Also, the amount that we are hungry for has decreased. The next thing that I wanted to work on was exercising more. And I have started. After putting the girls on bus, I go to the Y for about 45 minutes. My plan is to go each day Monday through Thursday. I'm unable to go on Fridays and the weekends are just too hectic. So far I'm doing pretty good. Sure it has only been two days but one day at a time.
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On another note, I went to a meeting tonight where I learned that Cassie will be starting to sell Girl Scout cookies on January 16. I also learned at this meeting that some of the leaders in my council are whiners. I felt like we were beating a dead horse as they went on and on complaining about some things. Myself and one other woman were making under our breathe comments and sighing. I learned a few things, but at the same time I missed NCIS. I know...it is awful.
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Today is my sister-in-law, Trina's, due date. I'm thinking about taking her walking to get that baby out. She'll appreciate it and we all want to see the princess.

Since I'm in the sharing mood, let me show you something. I think that my dad is Santa.

November 13, 2008

Holy Crumpets!

As I went to write this post tonight I saw that this is post number 501. GO ME!!
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Tonight was our first Girl Scout meeting. First thing on our agenda was to talk about things the girls would like to do during this year. After that we went into earning a badge...on manners. Thought that we'd start the year with manners in hopes to make a impression.

It seemed to have worked on Cassie some. Either that or she was abducted by aliens.

After all the girls were gone Cassie cleaned up the living room, her bedroom, and asked me to "please put her shirt in the hamper". Andy and I found ourselves just staring at each other blankly.

I may have lost my mind though as I agreed to have another sleepover with the entire troop. That would be possibly 8 girls, including Cassie, sleeping over. I'm glutton for punishment, I guess.

October 21, 2008

Today while having dinner at my aunt's house I lost track of what I was saying part way through a conversation. The joke that I use when this happens is that the hamster fell asleep in it's wheel and is doing a couple laps with the wheel. Ka thunk ka thunk ka thunk. I said this as I tried to figure out what it was that I was saying and Cassie looked at me completely seriously and said, "what?"

Me: The hamster that makes my brain work just fell asleep and is spinning with the wheel for a couple times. Ka thunk ka thunk ka thunk.
Cassie: Really???
Me: (laughing) no.

Cassie looked a little confused before going back to eating. The adults, however, had to gather themselves.

Maybe the 'good think she is pretty' thing works for Cassie too.
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Tomorrow (Wednesday) is the parent meeting for Girl Scouts. Since I'm the leader I get to hold the meeting. Wanna take a guess at how excited I am? I don't really like being in front of people and having to act like I know what is going on. So you may be asking, why then are you the leader? Because I'm a sucker for punishment! I like looking like I don't know what I'm doing. Unorganized at times, lost at others, and trying to keep multiple 7 year olds under control. Yup. That is me.

In reality, I want to be sure that things that are done are things that Cassie can do and I like being one of the adults that the kids my daughter's age can trust and like having around. At least at this point. Once they get older...that will be another story.

Weekend details

This weekend was a busy one. I feel like we didn't get to sit down much at all.

It started Saturday morning with a field trip with the Girl Scouts. We went to the Wisconsin Equestrian Center and were shown how to care for a horse. Let me just say that Cassie was in heaven!! Each girl got to feed the horse (Toya, the horse, was thrilled to be getting fed so much) and ride the horse.

As the girls were riding, those that weren't had carrots and apples that the horse didn't eat. Kalli chose an apple. She ate the whole thing. Literally. She was eating it when I looked down and noticed that she was literally eating the whole apple. She ate the skin, the flesh, the seeds, and the core!! By the time that I noticed it there was no good in doing anything about it. Though, Andy did take it away when she got down to the last bit of it so that she didn't eat the stem.

After the field trip, and dropping off one of the girls that rode with us, we went to help Andy's parents move some more of their things. Once done there...like 730pm...we went to my mom's to visit some, drop the girls off to sleep there, and join them for a fire. At 10:30 as we were sitting around the fire, Kalli crawled onto my lap and within minutes was asleep. At 11:30 I put her in my parents bed and went home.

Let's move onto Sunday. Started the day with laundry and spending time with my dad. At 2:30, we headed to Andy's parents for a barbecue and hanging out.

And, because a certain person mentioned the word "park" (and it wasn't me) lol. We ended up going to the park to let the girls play with their niece. It was a very good weekend, but very tiring also.

And the saddest part was that Cassie was up at 5:00 this morning. The girl is nuts!

June 7, 2008

Today we had a Girl Scout meeting. It was actually our "end of the year party". Of course we have one last meeting next weekend, so it really wasn't the end of the year, but close enough. We took the girls to Bay Beach for rides and then burgers/hot dogs. They had an absolute blast. None of the girls wanted to go home, but the fun had to end as rain was on it's way.

Cassie and Kalli were thrilled because Andy took them on the Ferris Wheel.

I got sick to my stomach just watching. I hate the Ferris Wheel! I don't like my babies being that high up and I really don't like having to smile and wave. I prefer to turn so my back is to them and I can't see them. Just watching them go up and come down makes my stomach turn. And lucky me, Kalli is probably going to love all the rides that make my stomach clench. She is like that, ya know. Dare Devil, not afraid of anything, let's give mommy a heart attack 500 times.

On another note, why is it Andy and I do good at putting sunscreen on the girls, but never manage to get it on ourselves? We aren't lobsters, but getting changed tonight, you can definitely tell that we got sun. Pink is our color for the next day or two.

Party is over.

I'm alive! I lived! And...I didn't get tied up!

The girls were all up by 7:15 with Cassie being the first up at 7:00. I made them breakfast, we all got ready for the day, had our Girl Scout meeting, and then they got to play until parents arrived.

It was a good slumber party and Cassie has already asked if we can do it again.

Let me count the ways

So tonight is Cassie's slumber party with 3 of her friends...who also happen to make up the entire Girl Scout Troop. AND....I'm still sane. Mind you that it is after midnight right now and the girls have just stopped whispering. But I'm still in my right mind and the girls have been very well behaved.

I have, however, noticed how much I love my children. I mean I always know that I love my children. They are my babies after all. But it isn't until I see and am with other children that I realize how much I appreciate the children I've been blessed with.

Don't get me wrong...tonight went very well. The girls all played until 930, at which time we put in a movie and they settled into spots in the living room. When the movie was finished, they took turns brushing teeth and going to the bathroom. Then I helped get them all settled into bed and it was lights out. I only had to go into the room 2 times to remind them that it was late and time to get some rest. And now, at 12:15, there is no more whispering. No giggling. And no shh-ing.

Over all I think that the slumber party was a success. And, though I'm probably more nuts for saying this....I'd do it again.

Now could someone get my straight jacket for me....I'm a little cold.

Proof of my insanity

In case you were still looking for proof...

Tomorrow night I have 3 first graders coming over to spend the night with Cassie. Kalli will be staying at Grandma and Grandpa's.

This will be the first time that Cassie has more then one friend stay over at the same time. The girls that are going to be staying overnight are the other members of our Girl Scout troop. I'm hoping that the girls will sleep at some point, but I'm not holding my breath. Saturday morning we will be having a troop meeting before the girls go home.

My co-leader isn't going to be able to help, as she has other obligations, so I'm on my own. I think that things will go well, but just in case...If you don't hear from me in a couple days, please send help. I may be tied up. If the girls do a good enough job with their knots, they may earn a badge of some sort.

January 8, 2008

What on earth is it doing outside???

It is the beginning of January and yet yesterday and today it rained. Yesterday we actually had thunderstorms. Then, as I'm leaving work tonight I come out to snow. Big fluffy wet snowflakes. The girls were thrilled. Cassie must have told me 7 times to remind daddy to send her snow pants to school tomorrow. Poor girl is going to be disappointed when she sees that it only snowed a little bit.

I keep looking around though thinking to myself...it IS January, right? However, I wouldn't complain if we were to skip the rest of winter and move on to spring.

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I've been playing with the new program that I have on my computer lately. I'm trying to figure out new things to do with it and such. Tonight I figured out how to do "focal black and white". Here is an example. Can you tell that I'm yearning for spring?


One last parting note for you...Tomorrow begins the selling of Girl Scout cookies. We will be calling, and if we don't...feel free to call us. :) Cookies do freeze well also.

January 6, 2008

How was your weekend? No, seriously, how was it??

Our weekend was pretty good. On Saturday Cassie had the kickoff for the cookie season for Girl Scouts. All in all it was a small bash to get the girls hyped up. Randy Peterson was there and helped to get the girls excited. Yup...on Wednesday I'll be starting to call ya'll and visiting everyone. We will be starting to sell on the 9th. Get out your checkbooks and break open the piggy banks!

Today we had to run to the grocery store, but otherwise stayed home all day and did the "family" thing. Games, dinner all together, and cuddle time. I have to point out that shopping with my kids is getting increasingly interesting. They are good, behavior isn't the problem. The problem...Cassie wants to push the cart, neither know how to stay out of people's ways, and Kalli sings through the entire store with no care of anyone around her. I love Kalli's singing. I love that she doesn't care who is listening...she is a little performer. I do, however, wish that we could make it through an errand without attracting extra eyes.

The only down of the weekend was on Friday night. At about 11pm I started getting stabbing pains in my abdomen and numbness in my arm again. Just out of nowhere. It had been achy and sore since the last time that it happened and still is at this point. So now I'm waiting for it to happen again, hoping that it is sometime when someone is available to watch my children, so I can go to the hospital.