As if you needed more proof that Cassie is my child

Every morning at 7:30 the television gets changed to the news and for the rest of the morning the girls and I watch news and weather together. This morning the weather man was talking about how this week is 'Tornado and Severe Weather Awareness Week'. I pointed this out to the girls and told them that they would probably be talking about it in school and doing a tornado drill so that they would know what to do if weather were to get bad. Kalli pointed out that they had already done a drill at her school. Cassie started crying.

I tried to talk to her about how it is good to be prepared so that you don't have to panic IF something does happen. I told her that in all my years of going to school, there was never weather bad enough that I had to use what we practiced. I told her that there was no need to worry because it was just practice this week and that it was a good time to talk about these things so that we don't have to be scared. And then I changed the subject because the crying was continuing along with her trying to hide her face and plug her ears.

Have I ever told you how extremely frustrated it makes me when she plugs her ears? I know she is trying to 'hide' from whatever we are talking about, but it seems very disrespectful and drives me up a wall. Talking to Cassie about this fact just makes her cower. The cowering only makes me more frustrated. I don't know where it all comes from, but I digress...

After getting the girls on buses and showering, I decided to look up 'anxiety in children'. I laughed out loud at the list of symptoms of 'Generalized Anxiety Disorder' in Children. Let me highlight the ones that made me nod to myself.

  • Excessive worry
  • Being self-critical
  • Irritability
  • Trouble sleeping
  • Depression
  • Intense desire for approval
  • Inability to explain why they are worrying
  • Difficulty with transitions, such as from school to home
  • Not wanting to go to school
Can you say check, double check, and oh my gosh yes.....?

I don't want to be the parent that makes my own diagnoses, but HEL-LO! It is like that list was created with Cassie in mind. Combine that with the anxiety disorder I have and the girl is doomed.

My little girl worries about everything and has so many unfounded fears. She does the 'what if' thing where you ask yourself "what if this happens? or that?". She is in a state of constant irritability and you don't know what is going to make her upset. She has trouble sleeping...up in middle of the night and can't get back to sleep. When you ask her why she is scared or worried she can only answer, "I don't know" And lastly, most days after school she ends up in tears. She doesn't know why she is crying, but it is like the change from school to home is just too much for her.

I don't know what to do with my girlie. I hold her and tell her that everything is going to be ok, but at the same time I find myself looking at Cassie and feeling horrible because I know exactly what she is going through. Exactly how she feels. I want to tell her that it's my job to worry and that she should just be a carefree kid. I know that, if she is anything like I was/am though, this is an impossible request. I'm working on ways to help her, but it isn't easy.

Tonight we had a Girl Scout meeting and I asked how the girls wanted to end the year. Every year we do something like a party to end the year and I was interested in what ideas the girls had. Last year we did a party out at Bay Beach so this year I made suggestions like NEW Zoo, Building for Kids, etc. In the end the girls all decided that they wanted to do Bay Beach again and then a sleepover here. At my place.

For some reason all the kids like being at my little apartment. Not that I'm complaining. I love having the girls all over and them being able to talk to me and trust me. I have always wanted to be the kind of mom that my girls' friends could be comfortable around and want to hang out at our place. And so far, it seems to be working out well.

We'll see when they get to be teens and such, but I will be more comfortable if hanging out is done here so that I know some of what is going on. On the other looks like I'm having another overnight with 6 eight year olds. I'm really glutton for punishment.


Tony said...

Good.. lie for you kids ;-) I know for a fact that there was atleast one time we got held after school because of bad weather. I also remember at least 3 or 4 times that we had to take cover head between the legs (aka. hang out) until the weather got better..

I'm just saying.. this was in elem/middle school, you would have had to have done that once for real.


also.. good luck with the pack of 8 year olds.. you will need it.