It's much easier to breathe now.

Alright, tonight you will be getting a couple posts because....well to be completely honest....because there is no way to connect the topics that I want to write about and not seem like I'm crazier then you already think I am. :)

Let's begin with the fact that I seem to be one of the only people that can hurt myself by doing absolutely nothing. Literally, nothing. Example: A while back I was sitting pretzel style on the floor with some of Kalli's class. One of my legs was falling asleep so I went to move my leg and suddenly I have sharp pain in my ankle. From that moment on it hurt to bend my ankle. I could stand on it, balance on it, but couldn't walk without pain. Explain that one.

I finally surrendered and went to see someone about it and they determined that I had a strained ligament. Not sprained, but strained. I would like someone to explain to me how you can possibly strain something you weren't even really using? I'm not sure the medical answer to that question, but I'm going to go with 'You must be special like me. And also the Body Parts Against Paula (BPAP) must want to start up meetings again.

This past weekend I was cleaning up and doing some dishes and I had the drawer under the oven open. I went to push it shut with my foot and ended up hurting my ankle. Again. The same hurt feeling I did before which means that while pushing shut a small metal drawer, I strained a ligament. Yes, I am a delicate flower. Thank you for asking.

I find it absolutely ridiculous, but there isn't much I can do about it. It is against BPAP rules for me to interfere. This leaves me to the advise I was given by the doctor on how to make it better. Heat, ibuprofen, and rest it. Then I was told that because I had arthritis in my ankles (knees, hips, lower back, and hands.....see I seriously am special. And broken. And only 31) I should keep using the joint so that it doesn't lose motion. Now if that isn't contradictory. So I'm resting, but not resting. Using heat on it when I'm not resting. And trying to find some drugs stronger then ibuprofen to knock myself the heck out. Because seriously?? I'm suing BPAP and my body.

Onto another one of my issues. I have many and picking just one is not an easy task. Oh, who am I kidding, it is very easy as this issue rules a good part of my life. And it is either getting worse or I'm just noticing it more.

OCD: Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. An anxiety disorder that is characterized by recurrent, unwanted thoughts (obsessions) and/or repetitive behaviors (compulsions). Sound like fun? Yeah....not so much. Though I still can't stop some of the things that bother me or make it difficult to breathe, I am finding some humor in it. "Laugh or you'll cry" is how I see it.

My most stand out compulsions that I obsess about have to do with straight lines and things being lined up "right". I actually take time and thought when opening the blinds in the morning to be sure they are even. My neighbors (bachelors) have blinds that are WAY uneven and it makes me wanna scream, run to their door and make them let me fix them. But I don't want to be that crazy lady that lives next door. So instead, when I see it, I practice breathing deep and wonder if they realize how hard it is to breathe when they are uneven. Which they ALWAYS are. And of course, now that I've brought it up I can't stop thinking about it and the air is thicker then normal. Look what I do for you, my one loyal reader.

To make myself feel a little better and show how much easier it is to breathe now let's look at a picture of my nice even blinds. Yes the one on the left isn't even all the way across and it is bothering me now that I've looked at this picture. Crap.

Moving on before I go crazy looking at the picture and my blinds.

I have an area up in my living room where I have toys for the little beans that I watch. There are six open bins for things to go in and everything has it's place and I like it when it looks like this. This is of course when Kaitlynn is not here or she is napping. I clean, she messes, I clean again. We have our jobs down path. Lately though, she likes to move things from their 'home' to another things 'home'. Meaning that she will put things in different bins. I'm sure this is because she is a toddler and likes to move things. Or it could be the fact that she knows Auntie has issues and she is just trying to push my buttons and see how long it takes to break me.

In fact, looking at this picture now, in the bottom right bin there is a cup that shouldn't be in there. That belongs in the penguin. Crap.

Alright, I've looked over this picture and I know that this one will help calm me. This is how books should look (except at the library....Becky told me that it wouldn't work in a real library because you wouldn't be able to find anything. Though wouldn't it be easier to breathe?) Since I was younger I would organize my books like this. I remember playing library and school with my cousin and I'd organize all my books on my shelves just like this. It calms me as I carefully check sizes and line them up so that all the spines are even. Just look....don't you feel like you are at a relaxing meditation spa?


Me too....

That is until this little bean wakes up to undo all the tranquility in my life.

Good thing I love her as much as I do. And that she goes home every so often so that I can clean again.