A happy birthday wish and a bunch of other depressing stuff

I'm going to start things off positively by wishing my mom a belated happy birthday. I haven't posted since her birthday. Her birthday was this past Thursday....August 13. HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOMMY!!

Today was a rough day for me. Or rather is started out good, but ended up being very rough.

I just want to know one is it that some people think they can say whatever they want to who ever they want? You see, today I was told that "I don't care about my kids. Especially on the weekends." I was hurt....I was outraged....I was...and still am...extremely angry.

You see, on the weekends my mom and dad keep the girls overnight. Friday nights the girls take turns staying alone with grandma and grandpa and on Saturdays they both stay there. Andy and I enjoy the full night of sleep and a little time just him and I, but by no means did I think this meant that I didn't care about my children. Quite the opposite, actually. Being a stay-at-home mom and spending 24/7 with the girls does get frustrating at times. Being able to have that little time away refreshes me and I find that I appreciate the girls much more.

There have been many times that I've told my mom that she doesn't need to take them and to take a weekend 'off'. She doesn't though, saying that she would miss the girls too much.

So you can see how much it hurt me when I was told that I don't care about my kids. I do care about them. More then anything in this world. Cassie and Kalli are my life. If I could I would take all their hurts, worries, and pains. If it would save them I would stop my heart. They are my world. I can't believe that someone would say this about me...that someone would think that...And most of all, that someone would try to hurt me in such a below the belt way.

I also have a confession. I debated with weather or not to share this, but honestly...I've been trying to share more about myself on here...writing about things is therapeutic for me. I started with sharing about my depression and anxiety and this kinda goes with it. Though, some people find it a little frightening...hence the reason I wasn't sure about sharing it.

When I am emotionally or mentally hurting I will physically hurt myself. Usually by chewing up the inside of my lower lip until I bleed. I don't know why I do this, but I do and I can't stop myself. I've hidden it for a long time and up until now...only those very close to me know that I do this. The saddest part sometimes is that the physical heals faster then the mental/emotional.