Things have been a little crazy around here. I'm finding that I'm overwhelmed and am trying to slowly work on that. I've been trying to take a little time for myself lately and concentrating on taking better care of myself. This is something that I've neglected severely until recently. And now I find myself trying to find things to do that are more for me, but not without guilt. For example: one of the smaller things, we've been trying hard to stay home on Sundays as a family and spend time doing what "we" want to do. Of course I do feel guilty about this because I feel that I'm letting others down by not being there for them or doing things for others. And this is just a small example.
My therapist and I have been talking about my guilt issues and how I have to put myself first, but I have a hard time because I don't want to be selfish. And somehow my brain has programmed itself to think anytime I'm doing anything for myself, I'm being selfish. I want to be self-less. I want to give til it hurts.
Only problem is that I'm at the point where it is hurting. Hence the fact that I'm trying to take care of me. (sigh) But is most definitely not easy.
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Let's add to this the fact that the medicines that I'm on have been being shifted around and changes some so my body is messed up to say the least. Again...an example.
- 7-730am: Wake up
- 830am: Kids onto bus
- 9-10am: OMG I'm tired
- 10am-2pm: get stuff done, supper started, etc
- 2-4pm: OMG why on Earth am I so tired
- 4-8pm: get some stuff done, eat supper, help kids with stuff
- 8-830pm: WOO HOO I'm awake. Who wants to clean? Anyone wanna go for a walk outside? How about we reorganize the pantry? (This is the point at which Andy looks at me like I'm out of my mind and goes to bed - well at about 9/930pm)
- 830pm-12/1am: I clean, I play on the computer, I try to get rid of this WIDE AWAKE feeling. It doesn't stop until around 1 in the morning.
- 1am-ish: Lay down in bed and pass out
- 7-730am: rinse and repeat
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This past Sunday we had Easter Lunch with Andy's side of the family. His aunt took us all to Legends for their buffet and I have to say that it was pretty darn delicious. After we ate, I took the girls and my niece, Kyra, out to take some pictures. I would have taken Kaitlynn with, however, she was busy running around and enjoying herself. I managed to get some pictures of her later when she was sitting still for about 2 minutes. :)
First off we have Cassie. She is up a tree without a paddle. There was some beautiful trees around the restaurant so I took full advantage of them. Cassie is a little nervous without her feet on the ground, but smiled for me anyhow.
Then there is Kalli. She is a monkey at heart and loved when I lifted her up into the crevice of the tree. She stood there like a queen looking down at her subjects.
At a different tree we stopped and I got some pictures of the three girls together. I love that even with how different they all look, you can see that they are related. Cousins til the end. :)
Then I took a few of Kyra alone. She is turning into such a beautiful young lady. I honestly am not a fan of how grown up she is starting to look, but not much anyone can do about that. However, she still comes and sits on my lap to cuddle, so that is all that matters. Look at that picture...can you say senior picture??
Then there is my little peanut girl. Kaitlynn did sit still every now and then, but for the most part she was on the move. It is hard to keep a 15 month old down. She too is getting so big. I am not sure when that happened because I was there the day she was born...and I'm pretty sure that was just last week.
It was a nice day spent with family and visiting some. Afterwards, Andy and the girls dropped me at home so I could have some alone time and they headed over to his brother's house so that the cousins could play some more.
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As you know I fell a couple weeks back and ended up getting 10 stitches in my knee and an air cast on my opposite ankle. (and that isn't to mention the tetanus shot...ouch, hurts to think about it)
Stitches are out now and things are feeling much better. I purchased a more low-file brace for my ankle and I wear it if I am going to be doing a lot of stairs at home or if I'm going out anywhere. I will slowly stop wearing it at home and then probably will stop wearing it when just going to store or anything. Whenever I have to do a lot of walking on uneven ground though, you can bet it will be on my foot.
Miss Becky, got me a little something the other day and it fits me perfectly. Meet Mr Bump...
Becky says that he is perfect for me because I am always hurting myself. Which is very true. Mr Bump now lives right in front of my computer monitor to keep me company. We spend lots of time together, Mr Bump and me, because we have a lot in common. We both get hurt quite often. He is my perfect mascot. now if only he had a little camera hanging around his neck. Maybe I'll have to look through the girls' barbies or try to come up with something. Thank you Becky :)
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