T minus 10 hours and counting

Kalli is at my mom's for the night, Cassie is tucked into bed (which for tonight is on the floor in my room) and I'm packing up things for tomorrow and setting out clothes.

Tonight I took Cassie out to eat, just her and I, because I know how miserable she will be for the next couple days. Then we took a trip to Target to pick a couple things up and to get her mind off of tomorrow morning. From time to time she would think about it and start crying a little. I know that she is scared. I told her that it is completely normal to be nervous and that as soon as we are in her room, I will start asking about getting her a "kiddie cocktail". The "kiddie cocktail" that I'm referring to is something that she has had for most of her past surgeries. It is a medicine that she drinks that calms her. It is used for children are anxious before surgery and makes separation from parents and the whole process a lot easier. It takes about 30 minutes to kick in, but once it does....it is wonderful. Here is how it works... Cassie's eyes kinda glass over, she couldn't care less about what everyone is doing around her, and she is fine with leaving us to go into the operating room. She also has no memory of anything after the medicine kicks in. All in all....she is stoned.

The past surgery that Cassie had, on her ankles, they didn't give her this "cocktail" and she went into the operating room sobbing. I was the only one in the holding room with her and was able to keep myself together until I was out of her vision. Then I lost it and started to cry. Inconsolably. Andy couldn't understand why I could be crying and therefore was scared when I came out of the holding room so upset. Once I caught my breath, I explained. It was so hard to watch her go in to surgery so upset. I don't care how many times we've been through it, it is still hard to send Cassie into surgery. You know the risks, the complications, the pain and healing that is to come. It's hard to send my baby in to that. Especially when she is so upset going into it.

So tomorrow....I will ask for the "kiddie cocktail" consistently until she gets it. For her sake and mine.